Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
