Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
