i jhust puked up my retainher.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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