lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
