I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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