someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
