He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
