Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
