For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
