perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
