she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
