After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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