I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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