Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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