Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Alive.
So much puke
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
