OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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