Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
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I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
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I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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