yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
