i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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