the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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