5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
