that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
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