that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I wish I only lived at night.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
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