dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
