lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
