Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Randomize
