one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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