Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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