So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
