Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
