I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
