My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
