Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
