Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We have started to decorate penises.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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