Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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