so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
