guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
