my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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