I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
