I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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