I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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