I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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