guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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