Tell her she can't have a vagina
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize