Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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