Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
