his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
