Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I need water and some morals
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
