I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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