Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
