I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
