Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
