that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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