Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
