I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
