She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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