wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
