New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
