Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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