Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
