some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
