I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
