please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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