When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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