she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
