Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
