I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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