Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
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It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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