Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
