Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I think I am morally bankrupt
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
