I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
