you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
