Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Those nachos came to me in a dream
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
