Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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