I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He? As in you personified your dick?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
