I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
