my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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