Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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