Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
